(This is not a transformation photo, but these photos are a year a part from one another.  This is what this post, and me personally, are concerned with today.)

We Baptists sing about it all the time, “just a little talk with Jesus”, one morning, not too long ago, I had just that.  Kneeling down by my bed I began to pray. In the midst of that prayer, I was reminded of a sentiment conveyed by my dad at church camp encouraging us to engage not only in prayer, but to follow through with listening as well.  So for a minute, I did just that. I ceased praying and quieted my mind long enough to finally receive an answer.  

There on the floor, finally ready to hear what truthfully I’ve known for quite some time now, in my heart, I heard: “finish the race”.  

Since October I’ve been stalled riding the same 5 pounds up and down the scale, maintaining and admittedly accidentally mastering the concept of staying relatively the same.  Which for me was never what this journey was about. Quite frankly, it’s not what I’m about. This is about complete transformation, continuous improvement, consistently becoming stronger.  

Echoing something I’ve had on my letter board for over a year, I didn’t work this hard to only come this far, but lately, I’ve been doing just enough to stay in the same place.  I’m solemnly treading water, and the lack of progress is slowly making me lose my mind. For me, improvement is about forward movement and in this particular area, about pounds and inches lost and better health practices gained.  While not all of these practices have fallen by the wayside, enough of the consistency in my practices have that I’ve seen no significant weight loss in almost a year. I’ve just stayed relatively the same, and I’ve never felt more lost in the past year without seeing a loss.  Don’t get me wrong, numbers don’t dictate my life, but I’m not blind to the fact that they are also an indicator that something has changed, and that something is me. I’m disappointed to say the least in myself that I even have to admit that, but when I started this blog I promised you all transparency, and after 1 ½ of having the luxury of my weight loss surgery being my sole focus, time marched on and things changed.  With a new job, advancing in my graduate school studies, and relationship ups and downs, other things began to take precedence, and as a result my weight loss lost priority. The end of the world? No. Something that needs to be revisited and reevaluated? Yes.    

Being a data girl, I did the math and I am 78% of the way to my goal.  Scientifically, I’ve exceeded the expectation of weight loss percentage following weight loss surgery, which statistics say often results in 60% of excess body weight loss, but like I said, I didn’t do this to not do it all the way.  Somewhere along the way in the past 12 months, I’ve lost sight of that, but by getting back to basics I fully intend to once again see the light and pursue it at the end of the tunnel.  

In the past this would have sent me into a perfectionist spiral and followed by the failure to obtain that perfection spiral and there I would be spinning my wheels, gaining no traction, expending immense amounts of energy to no avail.  I’ve since evolved. Now, I know simply to start trying to do better a little at a time. Be forgiving but also correcting when things get sideways. I like living my life and having fun, but it is time to reestablish some of the boundaries and balance that was resulting in the attainment of my health and life goals.  Switching my yesses with nos, and vice versa. Driving to the grocery store more than driving through to get food. Working out and working towards fitness goals. As well as simply taking more time to check in and tracking progress, and making adjustments when I’m not seeing it.     

This past year has been one with pit stops, speed bumps, full on crashes and other things, both good and bad, that have thrown me off track and fractured my focus, but all those things are just excuses.  Simply put, it’s time to Hebrews 12:1 this thing and lay aside every weight and the sin that is so easily besetting me to run the duration (not just part of this race) with patience and perseverance. Goodbye excuses, hello renewed efforts to eat healthier and exercise more often, with continued grace for imperfection and a divine vision of my desired improvement! It is time to finish the race.