Lately, I’ve been struggling with the fact that I often feel I’m walking down a dark tunnel unable to see the light at the end, because thus far in my life I haven’t seen the light I’m looking for. I’ve spent my whole life being overweight, and unlike many people I don’t have a point I’m trying to get back to because I was never there. There’s never been a point where I liked what my body looked or felt like. Scrolling through Instagram I found this on my feed:

and I was instantly inspired by one of nature’s greatest phenomenons, the process of this 🐛 becoming this 🦋, and it got me thinking…Caterpillars have never flown, they have only crawled. They have never experienced the benefit of wings. Never known the freedom of flitting from place to place without the struggle of carrying a heavy body around on tired legs. They have never had wings, and do not know in what design theirs will be fitted. When the time comes though, they become immersed in a cocoon preparing, changing, dedicating their energy entirely to a transformative process that will result in a creature they have never been before in their life to do something they have never done before, to fly. 2016 was spent carrying a heavy body around with limited mobility and prospects, and I did not spend 2017 totally wrapped up in this process to not allow myself to fully emerge in 2018 entirely transformed into a new creature and ready to fly, simply because I’m worried about what the design of the wings that carry me will be. Working towards something I’ve never been before, a vision I’ve never been able to truly see, and not knowing what I will be on the other side of this process are not excuses to allow myself to become complacent. Whether I can see it or not, what I know are the opportunities and the results thus far of this journey, and the rest I will just have to do by faith. Caterpillars cannot go where butterflies go before or while they are in the cocoon, it takes completing the transformation to go above and beyond the boundaries that have hindered them in the past. I may not always be able to see the vision of the girl I’m becoming, but I will not ground myself or worse remain in the same spot because of a failure on my part to allow myself to fly. My challenge to myself and to you all is to not be your own barrier to the upward mobility God is asking you to pursue just because you’re unsure of the person you will have to become to enjoy it. Go forward in faith of possibilities beyond what you’ve experienced so that you can flourish in the boundless future that God has for you. I’ve shed the caterpillar and now it is time to begin shedding the cocoon, because it’s high time to let myself fly and allow God to continue working in my life without letting insecurities meddle in His continued work in shaping me into the creature he intended me to be, asking him to make me by his design and not mine.

Xoxo,

Ashley